"Here's my heart, Lord, take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above"

Wooden Dinosaur
Solander
The River Monks

"Pursuit Of Glory" by Jhameel

This song makes my heart ache for something...I'm not sure what.

A Fathers Blessing

Today before dance I felt awful: started my period and had cramps, stuffy nose, exhausted. I asked dad to give me a blessing. He did, and it was everything I needed. I went to dance and it was wonderful. I didn't feel my period at all, my nose was not stuffy at all and I could breathe, my dead pointe shoes worked, I felt great, I worked super hard and sweated like crazy and Ray was in such a good mood. Ah, it felt so good and I wanted to cry out of gratitude. I am so grateful for the priesthood and that my dad is a worthy priesthood holder. I am so grateful for the voice of the spirit and for the angels that surround me and assist me.

The Monday Before School

It is Monday night, school starts Wednesday. Eden and I are painting our room. She started school today, woke me up early to take her to the frontrunner. I took a nap today, a strange nap. This whole week I have felt like there is electricity running through my veins. I feel like I'm always wanting to rush, it's weird and annoying. Maybe it will help when school starts and Im not anticipating anymore. My shoulders ache and my hips are tight. Dance tonight was nice, I am working, working, working. It's 9:30 and I'm ready to sleep.

"Creative Insomnia"

Last night I couldn't fall asleep. I listened to The Young Romans over and over and over again. My brain was stuffed completely full, of dance and music and choreography and this coming year and Julliard. When I finally fell asleep I dreamt of wasps that could swim and this beautiful clear water. I woke up at 5 and tried to fall back asleep, but by 6 I gave up and got out of bed. I jotted down notes for my choreography, looked up scholarships, read scriptures, and changed my FB profile picture. Changing that picture held some kind of great significance. I was afraid to put it up at first...but when I did I found why I needed to; because I am, in a way, announcing my determination to fight for what I want. New York City is my back picture, I will audition for Julliard and I will go there. I feel this hot little flame in my chest and it makes me feel strong. I called mom this morning and told her about all this. She always wakes up in the middle of the night and does stuff. I will allow all of this creative energy come when it likes, even in the middle of the night. Heavenly Father, thank you. For everything.

Hope For The Hopeless

This is the poem I wrote during the intensive, Ray had me read it during the show.

My muscles quiver and my mind is plagued with doubt. We are ever fighting, fighting gravity; a fight we will never win. And yet we jump and spin and leap...we fly, always to return to the earth. My pulse matches the beat of the music, I take strength from the unity. I am reminded why I fight with all that is in me, for unattainable perfection. Because perfection is not perfect. Perfection is a vulnerable heart and an open soul.